Staci, look at this!

Cutest boys!

Monumental Day!!!

Okay, so today is a great day! I finally picked a Midwife!!!

At 19 weeks (I think) pregnant, and now I have two member of my birth team lined up. I picked my doula a few weeks ago, (although I have known she would be there since I was very first pregnant, we just have that sort of connection) and now I have my midwife! I am very relieved to have this figured out, it was a hard decision for me.

Anyways, just wanted to share my joy in this decision.

love for all!

Check this out!

www.momsmilkboutique.com

one of my good friends is the owner of this store! IT is a great place to get all your natural baby needs. Support this work at home mama!

UGH Pregnancy Dreams!

I hate them... I have been having this reoccurring nightmare where I am in labor and all my birth team is at my house waiting... and then my labor stalls and everyone is totally judging me and criticizing me for not 'preforming'. It actually is a terrible feeling. and I hate that I keep having this dream... does that mean that is going to happen? ( I have to assume that it wont, because if every pregnancy dream happened, a lot of weird crap would be going on in my life) I suppose it is one of my fears that is playing out in my dreams. but I hate it and wish it would stop.

This pregnancy is weird... I have always heard people say 'no two pregnancies are alike' and I believed them but thought since I only had had two and and I had two different sexes, I thought there was 'girl pregnancies' and 'boy pregnancies' and since this time we are not finding out the sex, I cant tell you what this is, but it doesn't fit into the boy or the girl one I have had before. It is completely different.

Okay I am done rambling, my sweet girl needs me...

Something Personal.

Tonight I went to a Birthday party for one of my good friend's, daughter's, 18th birthday. (did that make sense?) . She Invited me to be a support for her because she was having a hard time with her baby being 18. (She also has a 6 and 2 year old.) Anyways, after we served them dinner, She had a little ceremony type thing set up for her daughter, Where she wanted to acknowledge her as a woman in front of her friends and to Let her know that she has the support of her family and friend as she makes that journey into adulthood.

I really appreciated it. I had a hard time becoming a woman. That was the hardest time in my life (so far) The years when I was 18 - 21(ish). I loved being a teenager, and am confident in who I am now. But then, I felt lost and alone, I lost my path on the straight and narrow, lost my faith in the Lord, and was wandering. I would have loved if I knew that there were people who were there and to feel supported.

I admire my friend (Kate) so much, for so many different reasons, but one of the main reasons is because she has an 18 year old who has turned out so well... We have the same parenting ideals and seeing that someone has parented like me and had it work out, is very encouraging. Being there to see her honor her daughter was very touching for me.

I thought of my children, especially Scarlett. Of what I hoped they would be like at 18, how our relationship would be. and I just hope that they don't feel like I did at that age, lost and alone. The mistakes I made in those years, while I was lost, weren't minor, and I cant easily hide them (nor do I want to). I met and married a wonderful man, who I have since been sealed to. I was able to have our first born be at that sealing. I talk to Beckham all the time about how he was at the temple with us. I just struggle with how to separate my mistakes from what I want my children to become.

I think about Scarlett because I know what it was like (for me) to become a woman, the insecurities I felt, the temptations I had, and I am sad for her to feel the same things I felt. I want so badly to protect her from that. There is one scripture that really helps me realize I don't need to fear, my children are on the same path I am back to our Heavenly Father, it is 2 Nephi 25: 26 "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins" That's it! If they falter, like I did, I hope that I have taught them that they have support and love from the Highest source. (and of course me as well.)

I hope some of this made sense. I am really just rambling about what I am feeling. Thank you for listening.

Pictures

Here are some pictures from our trip to California back in March. I just recovered them off of our broken camera.

We (Beckham, Scarlett, and I) flew out to hang out with My sister Staci and her family. It was extra fun because my good friend from high school was there for a couple of days, and I introduced her to the joys of babywearing.

Enjoy!

Guess who got a Camera?

It's Me! It's me!

Here are the few pictures I have taken since we have gotten it, It is hard to remember to take pictures when you haven't been doing it forever.

Beckham as Draculis (that is what he calls him)

this is at a friends house.

So, My kids dress them selves EVERYDAY, This was yesterday.

Scarlett has clothes on but she accessorized with broken sunglasses, a backpack, and not pictured: bracelets, a purse, a water bottle hung around her neck, and another pair of sunglasses hanging from her shirt. Very Stylish.

Beckham has a nice church outfit on, except he is wearing his black converse... he is never NOT wearing those. You should have seen him the Day before... HE worn a long sleeved Basketball shirt, his favorite jeans with Huge holes in the knees (that deserve their own post all together) a batman cape, mask, and glove (yes, singular) and then to top it off, Underwear OVER his jeans, because 'Mom, that is what Batman wears."

But in this picture, He is Bruce Wayne.

And Just a close up of our sweet Girlfriend.

You missed thier sweet faces, huh??

Don't worry there will be more to come!